on finding out there are only two genders

by mk zariel

after Fargo Tbakhi
someone on Reddit said so, and as a result, it must be true. i decide to flip a coin every day to decide what mine will be. i sigh with relief at the thought of taking one more decision out of my daily routine. i feel so productive. when people—well, mostly toddlers—ask if i’m a boy or a girl, i tell them there’s a 50/50 shot of either. i tell them to guess, and they’re confused, and honestly i am too. half my friends magically disappear, and my social calendar remains refreshingly empty. i fill it with an alternating list of genders to try on. i get eight hours of sleep for the first time in my life; i dream of trans and lesbian futures and i walk every day and admire the ruins around me. in the morning i stare into oblivion, wondering which gender goes with my outfit. i go thrifting for genders—1950s tradwife, 2010s tradwife also—and throw both away. i accessorize with butch and femme desires and tattoo labels on my body only to cross them out. when people invalidate my transness i tell them that if there are only two options, they’ve got to let me pick my favorite. i’m an indecisive boy, or maybe a girl; it all depends on my hundredth coin toss. it all stops mattering after a while. my beloveds and i get matching genders as a treat, & we eat discarded pronouns under the setting sun.

mk zariel {it/its} is a transmasculine poet, theater artist, movement journalist, & insurrectionary anarchist. it is fueled by folk-punk, Emma Goldman, and existential dread. it can be found online at https://linktr.ee/mkzariel, creating conflictually queer-anarchic spaces, and being mildly feral in the great lakes region. it is kinda gay ngl.