The Blue Car

by Brygida Boryczka

I walk by the house that used to be yours
And I see the blue car in the driveway
So different from your trusty red Toyota Corolla
And I feel you slipping away
The last remnants of our relationship tumble through my fingers
Like the last grains of sand trickling down in an hourglass
As you fade into a memory
I see the blue car in the driveway
Parked by the faded wooden fence leading to your small yard
Where we would play with your dog
And follow her into your house
The house where, for the first time, I felt accepted
For the first time, I could be myself
For the first time, I stayed up all night, talking and laughing with you and never wanting to leave
For the first time, I felt that picturesque movie kinship I was certain was never destined for me
Where for the first time, I said ‘I love you’
And I said it again
For the first time, I felt I was with someone I could see everyday
And never become disillusioned with
For the first time, I wanted to embrace someone
And hold them tight; hold you tight
Letting words unspoken pass through my arms straight from my heart into yours
I see the blue car in the driveway
And I think that if I had known that was the last time I would feel the closeness and love,
If I had known I would spend the next decade watching as you slowly slipped away,
If I had known that the rest of my life would be spent desperately clinging to my memory of you
And searching in vain for anyone that could replace you,
If I had known that the next time I saw you, everything would be different
And we would both be changed,
If I had known that you would fall out of my life, leaving me alone
When I naively thought you would forever be with me,
If I had known our time together would become just a distant memory, wrapped in love and heartbreak,
If I had known,
I would have never let you go
I would be holding you still, standing on the threshold
With the wooden fence and your red Toyota Corolla behind me
I see the blue car in the driveway
And I walk away