In A World In Which I Break Up With Poetry

Poetry Mar 15, 2020

by Madelyne Rose Sosa

What if I stopped being a poet
What if I started caring when my fingers got calloused
And called what I do less of a passion
Or something which I would rot from within should I ever quit
And began saying it was easily something I could do without
What if I told myself I only write when I need to pass time
And could look at someone without thinking about how their eyes remind me of something like
My first cup of coffee in the morning
Or simply let myself be held instead of thinking about how this moment could only be described as me melting into him
As though I were honey being poured into a hot cup of tea
What if I started speaking Spanish just as a language
Stopped hearing how there seems to be a hidden love letter en cada palabra
What if I didn’t fall in love with every goddamn thing
And didn’t see even the littlest of things as poetry in motion
I would start describing myself through the jobs I do
Reach for a dream that people don’t roll their eyes at
I’ll sound logical and put together
Like a perfect, sensible Latina daughter
Who speaks pristine Spanish and maybe even goes to mass on Sunday’s

I’ll read books just to read them
Feel no envy when I read something really good because I no longer wish I would’ve wrote that first
I’ll convince myself that breaking up with writing was the best decision I ever made
Swear I don’t miss the once love of my life
Now most wretched ex of mine
I’d tell myself I was happier without it
Happier without late nights editing and tornadoes of messy ideas and thoughts within my head
Happier without magic happening when I finally give in to mis sentimientos and turn them into writing
Happier without lighting bolts jumping from my fingertips as I press keys
And seeing mosaics in the smeared ink on the sides of my hand

What if I lived a life
Without writer’s block and constant doubt
Identity crises and wondering if I’m really truly good
Or just good enough
What if I walked away from who I am
Stepped into a new soul
Lived my worst nightmare and called it home-
Began to exist in a world in which I was never a poet or anything of the like
One in which I don’t have a dream crazy enough to be both the best and worst part of me
What if I told myself the greatest lie of all
And tried to believe it

Madelyne Rose Sosa is a Los Angeles born, Wisconsin based poet, cat mom, and bibliophile. Her writing showcases everything from love to politics and has been featured in zines such as Sumou and Guided Mag.

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