I Used to Dig Graves

by Arthur Boucher

I used to dig graves
with my dad, and brothers
sometimes my sister
For the Catholic, and
sometimes for the Lutheran cemetery
Always for someone who died
and needed burying

I never really gave it much thought as to why my father got into the business of groundskeeping, and by extension,
grave digging
Because his position was that of
a physically disabled man, being paid by the government to sit home and do his very best not to throw his back out again
and the government
didn’t pay him well enough for him to take that position very seriously

So he transported hay, milk, manure,
he built fences, repaired automobiles and equipment, welded, painted
chauffeured his aging neighbors
to their medical appointments,
helped move furniture and appliances,
he mowed grass,
and eventually
dug graves

He did what he felt he needed to do,
and did his best to teach his sons
about grit, purpose in your work,
and to disregard superstition
in place of what’s real

I would almost think my dad had an unfeeling relationship with the task of digging graves
the way we would sit, parked
licking our ice cream cones
patiently waiting for a grieving wife or mother to leave the gravesite
so that we may cover her beloved
with dirt and sod
But one day, while our small crew was taking care of the grass and cleaning up the monuments
my father told me he wanted to show me something
He told me,
“When I was younger, 21 or 22, I was seeing a woman”
Said they both liked to drink heavily back then. That she was seeing a few men at the time, and when she discovered herself pregnant, she didn’t have complete confidence on who the father was.

Then we stopped at a grave i had stepped past dozens of times, he said
“This is your sister, half sister”
I learned her name, and that she had lived to
be just over 2 years old
That she left the world more than a decade
before i entered it
That he was entirely convinced that the child was his
How their families
drove a wedge between them
Now I knew, in his heart
My dad didn’t get the opportunity to be a father to his first baby
And I’m not even going to pretend to know how that might feel

I do know
That he lives this life through the lens of his service to his loved ones
Including those who are no longer around to see his actions

So we would keep the grass neat,
the flowers arranged,
the monuments respected
and thank the creator
that we get the chance to be here
with each other

Arthur Boucher is an Appleton resident, musician, and multidisciplinary artist.